I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
