I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
