no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
