my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
