I want to make a zoo with you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
