I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
