No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
