Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
