It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
