I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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