I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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