spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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