omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
