Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
