The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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