She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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