My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
