Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
