Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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