how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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