i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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