Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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