AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
