she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
