I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
