I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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