dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
