dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
