Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
