Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just tell him i said nine months
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
