five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
