i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
there is glitter all over my balls
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
