After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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