My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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