suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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