i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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