she was so not down for the gang bang
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
