Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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