i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
