can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
