i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize