I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize