is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
