genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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