Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
