Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
