I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
