this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Congratulations! We have a period
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