my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
