I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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