You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize