It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
