I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
