i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
