What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
