I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
