He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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