You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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