She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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