I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
