you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
