I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
