he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
