my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
