Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
