Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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