so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
