She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
